What I Actually Mean When I Say Mom Energy

'Can you give me more mom energy?'

I give this note ten times a day. And ten times a day, I get the same blank stare back.

Actresses hear 'mom energy' and they don't know what to do with it. Some start acting tired. Some try to look nurturing, which usually comes across as vaguely constipated. Some get offended, like I've just told them they look old.

None of that is what I mean.

Let me break down what casting directors actually see when we're looking for 'mom'—and what gets you passed in five seconds.

What 'Mom' Is Not

It's not about biological parenthood. I've cast 28-year-olds as moms and 50-year-olds as moms. Whether you have actual children is irrelevant. This is about what you project, not your personal life.

It's not about age. I cast moms across a 25-year range. Young moms. Established moms. Grandmothers. The 'mom' note isn't code for 'you look old.' It's about energy, not birthdays.

It's not about looking tired or frumpy. The tired-mom stereotype is one very specific character type. Most mom roles aren't that. Most mom roles need someone who looks like they have their life reasonably together—warm, present, trustworthy.

It's not about giving up on being attractive. Moms are attractive. Moms are vibrant. Moms are interesting. The best mom headshots show someone who's fully alive, not someone who's dimmed themselves down.

What 'Mom' Actually Is

When I say 'mom energy,' I'm looking for a specific cluster of qualities that read on camera:

Warmth that feels nurturing. Not performed warmth—real warmth. The kind that lives in your eyes when you're thinking about someone you love. It's soft but not weak. Inviting but not desperate.

Relatability that reads as trustworthy. Moms are the characters audiences need to trust. The viewer needs to believe you'd protect the protagonist, comfort them, tell them the truth. If your headshot doesn't make me trust you, you're not booking mom roles.

Grounded energy. Moms aren't 'trying.' They've arrived. There's a settledness to mom energy—a sense that this person isn't performing their way through life. They just are who they are.

Life experience visible in the eyes. This is the thing you can't fake. Mom energy requires eyes that have seen something. Not hardened—softened. The look of someone who's been through things and come out more compassionate, not less.

The combination of these qualities creates what I can only describe as: 'I'd trust her with my kids.' That's the gut check. When I look at a headshot, that's what I'm feeling for.

The Range Within Mom

Here's where actresses get it wrong: they think 'mom' is one thing. It's not. It's a category with enormous range, and different productions need different flavors.

Warm/nurturing mom: This is your commercial mom. Cereal commercials. Car ads. Family-friendly content. She radiates optimism and safety. Her headshot shows genuine, uncomplicated warmth.

Tired/overwhelmed mom: Dramedy territory. The mom who's doing her best but the kids are chaos and the house is chaos and she's holding it together with coffee and sarcasm. Authentic, relatable, slightly frayed around the edges.

Fun/energetic mom: Lifestyle brands. Adventure content. The mom who's still fully herself—active, engaged, maybe a little irreverent. Not defined by her role, just enriched by it.

Fierce/protective mom: Drama and thriller territory. The mom who will burn the world down to protect her kids. Warmth underneath, but steel when necessary. Eyes that suggest she's capable of more than she's showing.

Affluent mom vs. working-class mom: Different wardrobe, different styling, different energy. The Westchester mom and the Midwest mom book different roles. Know which one you read as.

Single mom: A specific flavor of strength and self-reliance. Often combined with one of the above energies.

Each of these books. Each requires a headshot that captures that specific energy. If you're trying to cover all of them with one generic 'mom' shot, you're not booking any of them.

What I See in Mom Headshots That Book

When I'm sorting through submissions, here's what makes me stop:

Authentic warmth. I can tell the difference between someone thinking warm thoughts and someone performing 'warmth.' The real thing lands instantly. The fake version creates subtle unease.

Appropriate styling. Wardrobe that matches the role's world. If I'm casting a suburban mom and your headshot looks like a fashion editorial, we have a mismatch. The best mom headshots show someone who looks like they live in the world of the role.

Eyes that show life experience. This is the secret ingredient. Not tired eyes—wise eyes. Eyes that have seen things. The slightly softened quality that comes from having lived.

Energy that isn't desperate. The actresses who book have a settledness to them. They're not proving anything. They're not fighting for approval. They just... are.

Technical competence as baseline. Good lighting, sharp focus, professional quality. But those are table stakes. The energy is what books.

Common Mistakes That Get You Passed

Fighting your age in the photo. Glamour lighting, heavy retouching, styling that suggests you're trying to look 10 years younger. It reads as insecure. It creates distrust.

Over-glamorizing. A mom headshot isn't a beauty shot. If you look like you're about to walk a red carpet, you don't look like you're about to pack school lunches. Match the energy to the role.

Dead eyes. Some actresses are so focused on looking 'pleasant' that they lose all life in their expression. I need to feel something when I look at you. Warmth, intelligence, humor—something real.

Wrong wardrobe energy. Too corporate (you're an executive, not a mom). Too young (you're fighting your type). Too costume-y (you're playing dress-up). Wear what the character would actually wear.

Headshot that says 'actress' instead of 'person.' The best mom headshots look like a photo of a real person, not a promotional image of a performer. That naturalness is what books.

How to Nail Your Mom Headshot

Work with a photographer who gets naturalistic work. Not every headshot photographer understands this. Find someone who can capture authenticity, not just technical perfection.

Wardrobe: what a real mom in your demo wears. Go to a coffee shop in the neighborhood where your character would live. Look at what the moms there are wearing. That's your wardrobe guide.

Expression: think of someone you love. Not 'someone you love' as an acting exercise. Actually think of a specific person. Your niece. Your best friend's kid. Your partner. Let that feeling live in your eyes.

Let your life experience show. Stop trying to look young. Stop trying to look perfect. The things that make you look 'older' are the same things that make you look trustworthy. They're features, not bugs.

The Bottom Line

Mom roles pay well and shoot constantly. The actresses booking them aren't fighting the type—they're owning it completely.

Your resistance is the only thing in your way.

Get the headshots that show casting who you actually are. Let us see the warmth, the groundedness, the life experience. And trust that the roles will follow—because they will.

I'm looking for you. Make it easy for me to find you.